Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

jolly

April 21, 2010

i havnt slept in four days. i cant stop having nightmares. my waking reality is in shambles. the heat don’t help neither. its texas heat, and it’s hot as hell. being on the streets aint bad so long as the breeze is blowin, but when summertime comes around, that ol texas weather will get you right down to the fucking marrow. it makes everything harder. of course frying on a head full of acid doesnt really help things out, but theirs little else to do with my time and the way i see it, the heats coming no matter what. might as well fry.

visions piled upon visions layer in my sun zapped mind. they cause me as much glee as they do distress. it’s been four days without a hit, but before that it was four days on. four full days of non stop, godfucking, hard as hell tripping. my mind may never be the same. and it’s in that regard that i find my self inhibited from sleep. ive been nodding off here and there, either from the sweat soaked heat exhaustion or just out of regular old tiredness. i can’t seem to grasp a good rest though. soon as my mind’s projector fires up a dream it’s always the same side effected maniacally twisted images, all mad raving insanity full force like a bullet screaming straight through my heart. i jerk out every time. my eyes havnt shut for more than a minute in what seems like forever.

jenny is worried that i may have taken a bad hit. we’ve been selling the acid on green apple jolly ranchers. we sold about two dozen hits before having to reup with jenny’s ex lover dirty dave. jenny thinks dirty dave may have fucked with the new batch. either way my hallucinations havnt stopped, and the acids all worn out. visions continue to hit me like fast forward waves, repeatedly paralyzing me with new fear.

my world is now a shadow of it’s former self, it’s hot as hell and non stop fucked up.

-Luke Havergal

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cough syrup clarity

March 4, 2010

its been too long since ive downed a whole bottle of cough syrup to myself. in fact the last time was prolly sometime back in my senior year. those were the days. the great part was that if i ingested it in the parking lot an hour before school started, it would most likely kick in sometime during first period. and 8 hours of school would go by like a slow motion dream. hey its a cheap trip that can be purchased at the grocery store and it lasts a lot longer than most other things. although it was great when mixed with other things. cans of freon, pot, pills (xan, vic, add, etc…). what a truly magical time. and i mean that. there are many places you can never return to. like your mothers womb, or your old room in the house that burned down. highschool is one of these places. as bad as it was, it had its shiny moments.  if you did go back it wouldnt be the same. your older now. your of another age, the new generation has come in and though their customs and routines are somewhat comparable, the style of the times is unrecognizable to your own.  this makes all the difference.

so im reminiscing here, all alone in my empty empty house. i had to break in through the back window. at first i was just going to grab a few things and go, but the discovery of a fresh unopened bottle of robitussin quickly prompted me to rethink my plans for the evening (especially considering i really have no place to go and no way of getting there). so now im here, a fire by my side and a head full of stars. the bottle was one of the only things left, not only in the bathroom, but the entire place. i used the brown curtains my girlfriend had bought and a broke down barstool to make the fire im now enjoying (as the electricity is shut off). the waters off too but im using the toilet anyways.

so far im having a nice little night. a lot nicer than any other night in recent history. what can i say? quiet introversion and inebriation mix well together.

and im thinking that maybe theres hope after all. what was all that “stuff” for? i have almost nothing now (just this laptop, some notebooks, writing implements, and a warm six pack of colt 45 in my backpack). and maybe it’s the tussin talking but i feel happier than i have in ages. i know its cliche but it feels as if a great weight has been lifted. like im free. and though i have nothing, i now have nothing to hold me down. im free. free to float off into space. both inner and outer. i strongly suggest you try this out for yourselves one day.

this is how jesus and his disciples must of felt. if only they had robitussin back then…