Posts Tagged ‘death’

bloody kisses

June 15, 2010

i cant believe what has happened. my life as ive known it has gone away forever, and will never, ever return. i know its been a really long time since ive posted. their are reasons for that, many and varied reasons. however, i feel a strong compulsion to share the most recent events of my life with you all like i have never felt before. this time shit is serious. this time i fucked up too bad.

how could anyone ever take a life? you see people in movies killing each other all the time. you hear about war and homicide on the news everyday. but  it’s not an issue you ever have to deal with personally.  hopefully. i dont care who you are, rambo, tony soprano, or george bush…no one wants blood on their hands. NO ONE. trust me, you have never felt guilt until you feel the god awfull guilt that comes with that blood. man is it ugly.

my conscience is sticky black with dried blood.

it started as a joke. that to me is the part that makes me feel the sickest. she was just a joke to me. a stupid game. i didnt know much about this girl and i still don’t for that matter. im not giving you her name or any other personal details. please just bare with me , i know this whole thing seems too crazy to be true. but i assure you that everything happened exactly the way im about to explain.

this girl was really into vampires. haha right. twilight, anne rice, lost boys, near dark, true blood, underworld…all that shit.  a friend of mine is having this party, theirs a lot of crust punks and street kids their, and thrown in the mix is this random ass hot topic corsette wearing goth chick. she was amazingly beautiful. no lie. every guy their was itching to get a piece of her. throughout the night i keep noticing her, i wanna approach her but i don’t want to come off like every other asshole at the party. i hear it through the grapevine about her vampire fetish, and by the way shes dressed you can just tell shes exactly that type of weirdo goth that takes shit like vampires and witchcraft  just a little too seriously. so i make my move.

at some point in the evening i decided that i was going to pretend i was a vampire. i was way wasted at this point and was, like i said, just doing it as a joke. i thought she might laugh about it or at least appreciate my unique approach or something. maybe shed think i was cute? not for a second did i think she would buy it hook line and fucking sinker.

i get myself into a mood so i can play the part of what i think a vampire is like. i even change my voice. but  trust me any normal person could see what a crock of shit my vampiric facade was. it was laughable.

not to her though.

i appoach her from behind so she doesnt see me and i put my arm around her waste, and cover her eyes with my other hand. i breath hot air on her neck and tell her in a deep voice “ive been waiting for you.”

she freezes. she doesnt shrug me off or even turn around. so i stay put too, continuing to breath deep hot breaths of alchol soaked vapor on her neck. we stay like this for a while.  i know she feels my growing erection prodding firmly between her soft buttocks. but still she deosnt move. “ive been waiting for you too.” she says as she reaches her hand up backwards to caress my cheek.

im still in shock that my act is actually fucking working. and its working very well at that. i have her eating out of the palm of my hand, and the only thing i have to feed her is bullshit. i continue with the act and keep trying to be as mysterious as i can. i speak to her slowly and directly using as few words as possible. i lead her to the bathroom. i tell her to not turn around. she obeys.

don’t ask me why i blindfolded her. it was just some sick impulse i had. i got a sick sense of empowerment from controlling this delusional girl. i wont lie,  it was flat out fun for me at the time. i figured fuck it, might as well go all out as long as im playing the game. so i takes off my handkerchief from around my ankle and tie it tight around her head. she acquiesces. im drunk and being intentionally rough and “vampirically forceful” with her as well. she seems to be getting off on it too. she squirms and kind of melts at every touch of my hand and doesnt even raise a finger to me when i start getting really kinky. she lets me rub her asshole and before long i have two fingers forced inside. like i said, she was completely obedient. the next part is where the line got crossed from a joke gone to far to just flat out unforgivable shit.

i tell her to strip and start jerking myself off  whilst sitting on the toilet. she takes off her layers methodically, slowly. too slowly for me too allow with my vaprire logic. so i rip off her remaining garments animalistically and ferociously grab her towards me. i bite mouthfulls of her heaving tits while i press them hard against my feral face. she lets me chew, bite and suck roughly on her soft white body, i cover her mouth when she cries out in pain.

her  small black cotton panties are still on. i rip them off  violently with my teeth as she tilts her head back and quivers with excitement. she slowly snakes her hand down her  curvaceous body to caress her small mound of pubic hair. she reaches down further and pulls out a tampon. she dangles it in front of me then drops it to the floor. she puts her hand on my face again, drawing me into her warm blood wet pussy. and i lick the blood, hesitantly at first. it tastes awful. i put all rational thoughts out of my mind and delve in full force. i lap up her blood and juices like a thirsty dog.

with the lower part of my face covered in blood, i go up to kiss her for the first time.

and thats just the beginning. i’ll have to finish later, its hard for me to bring up all these details. i’ll tell you one thing though, shes dead now. suicide. and it’s all because of me.

LH

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jolly

April 21, 2010

i havnt slept in four days. i cant stop having nightmares. my waking reality is in shambles. the heat don’t help neither. its texas heat, and it’s hot as hell. being on the streets aint bad so long as the breeze is blowin, but when summertime comes around, that ol texas weather will get you right down to the fucking marrow. it makes everything harder. of course frying on a head full of acid doesnt really help things out, but theirs little else to do with my time and the way i see it, the heats coming no matter what. might as well fry.

visions piled upon visions layer in my sun zapped mind. they cause me as much glee as they do distress. it’s been four days without a hit, but before that it was four days on. four full days of non stop, godfucking, hard as hell tripping. my mind may never be the same. and it’s in that regard that i find my self inhibited from sleep. ive been nodding off here and there, either from the sweat soaked heat exhaustion or just out of regular old tiredness. i can’t seem to grasp a good rest though. soon as my mind’s projector fires up a dream it’s always the same side effected maniacally twisted images, all mad raving insanity full force like a bullet screaming straight through my heart. i jerk out every time. my eyes havnt shut for more than a minute in what seems like forever.

jenny is worried that i may have taken a bad hit. we’ve been selling the acid on green apple jolly ranchers. we sold about two dozen hits before having to reup with jenny’s ex lover dirty dave. jenny thinks dirty dave may have fucked with the new batch. either way my hallucinations havnt stopped, and the acids all worn out. visions continue to hit me like fast forward waves, repeatedly paralyzing me with new fear.

my world is now a shadow of it’s former self, it’s hot as hell and non stop fucked up.

-Luke Havergal

stupid

March 2, 2010

well i guess you all see what has become of al this. a buncha goddamn bullshit. i cant keep up with anything. im too fucking jaded. its been so long since ive put anything in here.
things have been more or less the same. although many things are different. my girlfriend broke up with me. i got arrested and had to check into rehab for 8 weeks. i contracted a venereal disease (never trust a woman whos blouse matches her bra). i lost my apartment due to the rotting smell of dogflesh that began to overwhelm my unoccupied place.
i had no money for a while cuz my wallet was stolen and couldnt use my debit card and was stranded in a strange part of town for a while. actually i know that chick November took it off me before she gave me the clap. my cell phone was dead too and moreover i didnt feel like talking to anyone after what id been through.
i still dont remember much from that last night, but some things have come back to me. for one thing the urine i was covered in when i woke up in the gutter was Novembers. in fact that was voluntary, i was wasted and she said it was the only way for her to get off while she was on her rag. so i let her piss on me in the bath tub. shortly after she mustve had somebody drag me off in to the streets cause thats where i woke up.
it wasnt too long after when i got picked up by a squad car after attempting to take a bus. i stayed in the holding cell all night until i was transfered to county. i got off light at my hearing considering the amount of drugs in my system. 8 weeks in rehab. im out now, i have pretty much nothing left. like i said in previous posts, all my stuff had been stolen and pawned, my dog and girlfriend were both gone, my duplex apt taken away an account that i never took out the trash containing Spunky, and on top of it all it feels like burning knives when i take a piss.
how much longer can i go on i wonder?