Posts Tagged ‘alcohol’

candy girl

April 9, 2010

ive been here at cool crest golf for a few days now. last time i wrote i had just arrived and was alone. things have changed since then, as they always seem to do. im now joined by a gorgeous 15 year old girl named jenny. Jenny ran away from home a few weeks back. i found her sleeping at the bus stop across from the mini golf course. she has dirty blonde hair, grey/green eyes, pouty pink lips, a pierced septum and eyebrow and she wears clothes that look 2 sizes too big for her.
i first saw her hanging around the bus stop the afternoon after i arrived at cool crest. she looked like a grunge chick or stoner girl, i didnt think she was homeless. not until night fell and she was still waiting at the bus stop did i put two and two together.
it wasnt easy to approach her. i swear this girl was like a frightened cat. her eyes even look like a cats… i jumped the fence to go talk to her. it was sometime around 2 in the morning and i mustve freaked her out cause she took off running. i jogged to catch up with her, but this didnt help things. she quickened her pace and was determined to flee from me. i called out to her but i didnt exactly know what to say, so i just kept yelling, “hey! wait up!” and “hold on!”
she keeps running, looking behind her shoulder every now and then. eventually my words get through. she sees that im not trying to harm her. she stops. i walk up slowly, out of breath. i keep my distance as i approach. she looks scared, but also like shes ready to attack. i hold up my hands to show her that i mean no harm. she reaches in to one of her baggy jean pockets and pulls out a small hunting knife. i continue my approach, my eyes focussed on hers. i try to talk as i struggle to regain my breath. havnt had to run in a while.
i explain to her that ive seen her on the street, but i didnt know she was homeless. i tell her that im living at the abandoned mini golf course across from where she was sleeping. she says nothing.
“My name is luke. whats yers?” i ask. “Jennifer.” she slowly whispers back. “Jennifer, do you want to come back with me? its a lot nicer in the mini golf course and i have some food and stuff your welcome to if you want.” i offer. she looks around hesitantly. “look im not going to hurt you, im on the streets too, i just want to help.” i finally say. she folds the knife up and puts it back inside her pocket. i can see her pink cotton panties peeking out from under her low hanging  jeans as i watch her return the knife. “cmon, i’ll buy you a drink.” i say. she smiles a crooked little smile and starts walking towards me, her head bowed to the ground.
She has very little trouble climbing the fence. i struggle my way over and hop/fall to meet her on the ground. not so graceful. she looks around quietly, i can tell shes pleased. she still seems kind of defensive though. i promise her that im not gunna try anything with her and tell her that she can relax. i just wanted to offer her a better place to stay, and theirs plenty of room for two in here. i can tell she must be starving, i offer her some jack in the box i had left over. she downs the eggrolls quickly and we split the jumbo jack between us.
the meal seemed to do her well. she lets her guard down some and i try to talk to her. she mostly answers my questions with one word answers. i try not to pry too much, seeing how coy she is. so i just ask her general stuff. how long you been out here? and where you from? mostly she just sits quietly, looking around the green garden that surrounds us.
she pulls her bag close to her and opens it up. inside  i see a multitude of colored candy as she peels back the zipper, gummy bears, air heads, sour patch, m&m’s, starburst…and pretty much every other kind of candy i can think of is seemingly contained within her bulky bag. she pulls out a few jolly ranchers and a big bag of skittles. “i took these from the corner store.” she said. “do you want some?” she extends an arm towards me with a handfull of skittles. i take them in my palm as i pull my bag close to me. i reach in and get out my bottle of old crow whiskey. half full. she eyes me as i take a swig and chase it with some skittles. she smiles and reaches her arm out, to grab the bottle from me. i hand it to her as i jokingly ask “how old are you?” she takes a big messy swig, then pops some skittles in her mouth. “15.” she says. i ponder this revelation for a while as i look the girl up and down. she looks over at me sheepishly as she hands me back the bottle. “gotta start sometime.”  i shrug my shoulders and take another swig.
we split the rest of the bottle and the skittles. not a bad mix actually. Jennifer starts opening up to me. she tells me that she ran away because her dad was abusing her. he was a pervert and had been touching her and her younger sister since she can remember. only recently did he start slapping her around though. so she split. she cried when she talked about her little sister she left behind. Meagan. she told me she was thinking about going back and killing her old man. the whole time i just sat there and listened to her as she opened up. i nodded my head and just let her get it all out.
she asks me about me. i tell her theirs not much to tell and just fill her in on the basics. i lost a lot recently, i dont want to go back to living the way i used to… im trying my hardest to survive and live my life the way i see fit… she changes the subject and asks me what ive been doing with this awesome place all to myself. i tell her that ive only been in here a day but that i used to come here as a kid. and except for walking around naked i pretty much have been doing the same thing were doing now. her eyes kind of light up . she looks around and gives me a big grin then struggles to her feet and starts to undress in the pale moon light.

.

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cough syrup clarity

March 4, 2010

its been too long since ive downed a whole bottle of cough syrup to myself. in fact the last time was prolly sometime back in my senior year. those were the days. the great part was that if i ingested it in the parking lot an hour before school started, it would most likely kick in sometime during first period. and 8 hours of school would go by like a slow motion dream. hey its a cheap trip that can be purchased at the grocery store and it lasts a lot longer than most other things. although it was great when mixed with other things. cans of freon, pot, pills (xan, vic, add, etc…). what a truly magical time. and i mean that. there are many places you can never return to. like your mothers womb, or your old room in the house that burned down. highschool is one of these places. as bad as it was, it had its shiny moments.  if you did go back it wouldnt be the same. your older now. your of another age, the new generation has come in and though their customs and routines are somewhat comparable, the style of the times is unrecognizable to your own.  this makes all the difference.

so im reminiscing here, all alone in my empty empty house. i had to break in through the back window. at first i was just going to grab a few things and go, but the discovery of a fresh unopened bottle of robitussin quickly prompted me to rethink my plans for the evening (especially considering i really have no place to go and no way of getting there). so now im here, a fire by my side and a head full of stars. the bottle was one of the only things left, not only in the bathroom, but the entire place. i used the brown curtains my girlfriend had bought and a broke down barstool to make the fire im now enjoying (as the electricity is shut off). the waters off too but im using the toilet anyways.

so far im having a nice little night. a lot nicer than any other night in recent history. what can i say? quiet introversion and inebriation mix well together.

and im thinking that maybe theres hope after all. what was all that “stuff” for? i have almost nothing now (just this laptop, some notebooks, writing implements, and a warm six pack of colt 45 in my backpack). and maybe it’s the tussin talking but i feel happier than i have in ages. i know its cliche but it feels as if a great weight has been lifted. like im free. and though i have nothing, i now have nothing to hold me down. im free. free to float off into space. both inner and outer. i strongly suggest you try this out for yourselves one day.

this is how jesus and his disciples must of felt. if only they had robitussin back then…

rest in piss

January 13, 2010

Solice is dead… good riddance too. guess where he OD’d? On the bathroom floor! the same spot where linda had her little breakdown a few weeks previous. Apparently i should have read the signs. The bloody omen right in front of me. But i guess whats done is done. god my life is so fucked up. why do i allow myself to fall in with these crazy fucking people?

Im glad that fuckhole died choking on his own vomit. It only seems fitting for such a human waste. not only did the bastard end up stealing thousands, literally thousands of dollars from me and my girlfriend (he pawned our flat screen, dvd library, laptop, ALL my vintage synthesizers, my dj equipment, and guitar and amp etc. etc…) he also tried to rape my girlfriend and succeeded in killing our yorkshire terrier Spunky. fuck him, like i said im glad he’s dead and i hope he’s in hell where he belongs.

Of course he played me like a fool. Probably from the get go too. Though in retrospect it was pretty stupid to invite him in my home in the first place. I mean i knew he was capable of some fucked up shit in the past (i guess i used to be too), but i had no idea how crazy he had gotten. And worst of all it wasnt even all for drugs. i could be sympathetic to a junky maybe. Stealing for a fix. Fucking over his friends for drug money and such. that wasnt the half of it though. This guy simply didnt give a fuck. Not about anyone, least of all me, my girlfriend and my dog spunky.

The fucking deadshit broke in while he knew me and my chick were out at my moms bar b q. i didnt even suspect that it was him that stole our shit, though i did question him to be sure at the time. He was so sincere. He made me believe that he was victimized as well, claiming that he had his bag stolen. He convinced us it was another acquaintance whom i’d mentioned in the last post, Mooch, that had ripped us off. he told me that mooch had mentioned something about me having a lot of nice stuff when he came by to drop off some blow. like a dumbasswhole i fell for it too. In fact he was probably setting me up to get shot or something, the cocksucker. he kept trying to convince me to go “ride on that mother fucker!” he told me he would go with me saying that “he’s not gunna fuck with my brother and get away with it.”

What the fuck ever.

January 7, 2009, The day of his death, i was crashed out after being up for days. i woke up to screams but i couldnt get up. It was like it was happening in a dream. I couldn’t move, and at this time didnt even feel concern. my girlfriend kept yelling for help, screaming “STOP!!! STOP!!!!” and calling my name. The dog was yapping and growling the whole time as well. but i just lied there motionless in my drug coma. This went on for what seems like hours. First the screaming and yelling and barking, then crying.

i later learned that Solice and my girlfriend were doing lines in the bathroom that morning when i had crashed out. She said everything was fine at that point, they were just talking and that he wasnt acting weird or anything. Not until he he took out a bottle of lean syrup and 151 did he start to get shady.  for one thing she noticed he had it stashed in his bag under the sink. The same bag he said was stolen. She calmly called him out on it and he just kind of shrugged it off and told her that “i guess mooch missed it after all.” She was weary of him after that though and said that he seemed kind of upset that she questioned him about the bag. she continued to do lines with him though. she said he kept offering her syrup, but she declined, telling him that she didnt like to mix uppers and downers. GOOD ADVICE. She started feeling uncomfortable after solice started getting drunk off the 151 which he was “downing like gatorade.”

He started telling her how hot she was and tried to grab at her tits, it was at this point she started to get freaked so she went into the kitchen to get away from him, but he followed her and cornered her against the wall. thats when she started screaming for help. she tried to struggle away, to fight back but he over powered her. All she could do was scream. Spunky started barking at him, but was too small to be of any help. She thrashed at him with her nails and scratched him up pretty good, but he threw her against the wall nearly knocking her unconscious. She told me how he started throwing punches at her while she was on the floor. giving her two black eyes and four bruised ribs. He started trying to pull her clothes off. The dog started attacking him when he got down on top of her, so he picked it up and twisted its neck backwards.

Thats when the screams got their loudest. My girlfriend went hysterical. Solice started laughing at her. he rubbed the dead dog in her face then slammed it in the trash can. She lied there sobbing on the kitchen floor. then he stood up, reached in his pants and started to jack himself off over her. She shut her eyes and when she opened them he had gone into the bathroom. all the while still laughing maniacally to himself. She mustve been in shock after that cause she passed out. Solice would never make it out of the bathroom alive.

I found him in a pool of purple vomit later that evening, A needle in his arm and a tortured expression on his scratched up bloody face.

rest in piss, you fuck.

Luke Havergal