Archive for January, 2010

gold

January 14, 2010

i woke up soaked in urine. everything was out of focus. i tried to remember where i was but ended up just drawing blanks. my grey acid washed jeans were tinged yellow and i was missing my boots. not my socks though. no. those too were soaked in urine. i looked like a bum. a bum who just pissed him self and fell asleep in a gutter. truth of the matter is though, the urine wasnt mine. i am no bum. i did fall, but not to sleep.

I remember november. she was the pretty blonde girl i was talking too at max’s party last night. she told me she was from melbourne, we started making out at one point. later we were at her place. i remember her waking up her son and putting him to bed on the livingroom couch. we started making out again in his room. she jerked me off cause she was on her rag, but i insisted she take her top off. naturally she obliged. it was good too. i shot my load after only a few minutes. it got all on her sons spider man sheets. she said it was fine though and tossed them on the floor down by her red bra and sweater.

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rest in piss

January 13, 2010

Solice is dead… good riddance too. guess where he OD’d? On the bathroom floor! the same spot where linda had her little breakdown a few weeks previous. Apparently i should have read the signs. The bloody omen right in front of me. But i guess whats done is done. god my life is so fucked up. why do i allow myself to fall in with these crazy fucking people?

Im glad that fuckhole died choking on his own vomit. It only seems fitting for such a human waste. not only did the bastard end up stealing thousands, literally thousands of dollars from me and my girlfriend (he pawned our flat screen, dvd library, laptop, ALL my vintage synthesizers, my dj equipment, and guitar and amp etc. etc…) he also tried to rape my girlfriend and succeeded in killing our yorkshire terrier Spunky. fuck him, like i said im glad he’s dead and i hope he’s in hell where he belongs.

Of course he played me like a fool. Probably from the get go too. Though in retrospect it was pretty stupid to invite him in my home in the first place. I mean i knew he was capable of some fucked up shit in the past (i guess i used to be too), but i had no idea how crazy he had gotten. And worst of all it wasnt even all for drugs. i could be sympathetic to a junky maybe. Stealing for a fix. Fucking over his friends for drug money and such. that wasnt the half of it though. This guy simply didnt give a fuck. Not about anyone, least of all me, my girlfriend and my dog spunky.

The fucking deadshit broke in while he knew me and my chick were out at my moms bar b q. i didnt even suspect that it was him that stole our shit, though i did question him to be sure at the time. He was so sincere. He made me believe that he was victimized as well, claiming that he had his bag stolen. He convinced us it was another acquaintance whom i’d mentioned in the last post, Mooch, that had ripped us off. he told me that mooch had mentioned something about me having a lot of nice stuff when he came by to drop off some blow. like a dumbasswhole i fell for it too. In fact he was probably setting me up to get shot or something, the cocksucker. he kept trying to convince me to go “ride on that mother fucker!” he told me he would go with me saying that “he’s not gunna fuck with my brother and get away with it.”

What the fuck ever.

January 7, 2009, The day of his death, i was crashed out after being up for days. i woke up to screams but i couldnt get up. It was like it was happening in a dream. I couldn’t move, and at this time didnt even feel concern. my girlfriend kept yelling for help, screaming “STOP!!! STOP!!!!” and calling my name. The dog was yapping and growling the whole time as well. but i just lied there motionless in my drug coma. This went on for what seems like hours. First the screaming and yelling and barking, then crying.

i later learned that Solice and my girlfriend were doing lines in the bathroom that morning when i had crashed out. She said everything was fine at that point, they were just talking and that he wasnt acting weird or anything. Not until he he took out a bottle of lean syrup and 151 did he start to get shady.  for one thing she noticed he had it stashed in his bag under the sink. The same bag he said was stolen. She calmly called him out on it and he just kind of shrugged it off and told her that “i guess mooch missed it after all.” She was weary of him after that though and said that he seemed kind of upset that she questioned him about the bag. she continued to do lines with him though. she said he kept offering her syrup, but she declined, telling him that she didnt like to mix uppers and downers. GOOD ADVICE. She started feeling uncomfortable after solice started getting drunk off the 151 which he was “downing like gatorade.”

He started telling her how hot she was and tried to grab at her tits, it was at this point she started to get freaked so she went into the kitchen to get away from him, but he followed her and cornered her against the wall. thats when she started screaming for help. she tried to struggle away, to fight back but he over powered her. All she could do was scream. Spunky started barking at him, but was too small to be of any help. She thrashed at him with her nails and scratched him up pretty good, but he threw her against the wall nearly knocking her unconscious. She told me how he started throwing punches at her while she was on the floor. giving her two black eyes and four bruised ribs. He started trying to pull her clothes off. The dog started attacking him when he got down on top of her, so he picked it up and twisted its neck backwards.

Thats when the screams got their loudest. My girlfriend went hysterical. Solice started laughing at her. he rubbed the dead dog in her face then slammed it in the trash can. She lied there sobbing on the kitchen floor. then he stood up, reached in his pants and started to jack himself off over her. She shut her eyes and when she opened them he had gone into the bathroom. all the while still laughing maniacally to himself. She mustve been in shock after that cause she passed out. Solice would never make it out of the bathroom alive.

I found him in a pool of purple vomit later that evening, A needle in his arm and a tortured expression on his scratched up bloody face.

rest in piss, you fuck.

Luke Havergal

brown town

January 5, 2010
So much for trying to catch you up with all the stuff thats happened. I figure i’ll just keep you current instead. So the details stay fresh. this way we’ll both be on the same page. A lot has happened, yes thats true, but im sure theres alot more to come as well. The way things have been going as of late, theyre inevitably bound to. besides, I cant keep recapping past events little by little. I need to fill you in as to what is currently going on. Today, wrtie now, right now!
Well for one thing ive rekindled an old friendship with a ghost from the past. My old pal Solice is back in the picture. we bumped in to each other at a mutual friends new years shindig. its been ages. We both got in to drugs together years back. around the time i was graduating high school. So we’ll say…2003? Wow 7 years ago. Seems like yesterday. Haha cliche i know, but in reality it really was ages ago. I can barely even remember the drug addled days of our youth. Tweeking for weeks on end. Breaking into houses and cars, stealing, robbing, fucking, guns, knives, etc.
After high school i was stuck in this meandering sort of state. My dad offered to float me while i figured out what i wanted to do with my life. flash forward to 2010 and im still trying to figure that one out. me and solice both. I swear it feels just like old times. Just goes to show you how everything comes full circle. i feel myself getting back into the habits of those old days. But at the same time it feels wholly new, like this reunion is maybe a sort of closure to the past. Or something. Me and solice stopped talking after he fucked my girlfriend at the time. Things were like that tho. Our lives were crazy. Nothing was sacred. Nothing was off limits. We didnt think about consequences, we sorta just did things to do them. I dunno if that makes sense. But its how it went down.
I remember this one time me and solice hooked up with these chicks we sold shard too. sisters. Blondes! We partied for days and days and stayed at their big ass house while their dad was out of town. We had nowhere to go and nothing to do. weeks passed. We fucked, swam in their big ass pool, did lots of drugs and fucked summore. That is until the one fateful night where solice fucked up with the chick he was with.
I was passed out naked on their daddies billiard table. me and the chick i ended up with were spread out after a long night of kinky sex. I remember putting the large end of a pool cue in her vagina and fucking her from across the table with it. She was a freak. A couple puffs off a bulb and i could  have her going ass to mouth. Ohhh and the stains! Her dads pool table was covered with them after all the hours of crazy sex, it was a kind of game we played haha.
Anyway things were great back then. It seemed like we lived in that giant house that summer. But one night… Solice came in freaked, i was half naked/asleep with krista. I immediately assumed the worst. His bitch OD’d. Which in retrospect wouldve been a real nightmare, she was only 15! Though she was the older sister by two years. haha. anyway solice wouldnt say anything, we both snuck out half naked, putting on our clothes in the street. he kept motioning me to be quiet everythime i tried to ask him what was going on. I could tell he was upset so i  followed him despite the lack of information. I even left Krista spread out naked, alone  on the pool table, dozens of crusty white streaks and stains surrounded her on the flat green surface of the pool table. she looked beautiful, like a pale angel submerged in a field of motionless stars. That was the last time i saw her. and after i heard solice’s story i knew it would/should stay that way.
Apparently solice lost control of his bowels during sleep. He recounted to me his horror story of waking up covered in his own shit, beside him, a clueless young girl passed out in some sort of drug coma. He didnt know how to explain what had happened, let alone how he would ever outlive the ghastly predicament. So he bailed. We both did. Never to return. The truely terrible part, he didnt reveal to me til later. not only did he abandon a pretty young blonde sleeping in a bed full of his own fresh shit. he had infact”covered his tracks” so to speak. Meaning he took his shit that was on the bed, shoved it down the backside of the unassuming young girls panties and took ff. Making it appear as though she was the one who had the accident.
It was the first story we recounted the night of our reunion. Sooo many questins resurfaced. Hidden memories from a filthy past. the poor girl is prolly still in therapy. All sorts of issues must plague her. Fear of intimacy, knowing that at anythime she may shit herself while sleeping next to a boy she fancies and such. We may never know. Solice and i had other stories and people to discuss as well. A lifetime of memories seemingly. Though our freindship lasted only but a few short years.
Seeing him at the new years party i attended was a shock to say the least. We threw our arms around each other and all past hostility vanished like long forgotten stains on an antique billiard table. Weve been inseperable in the days following. my girlfriend was glad to meet one of my old friends and she actually hasnt minded him crashing over the last couple of nights. He’s fast asleep in the other room, but i cant sleep. Its been a while since ive tweaked and i must say i have missed it. My girlfriend is used to seeing me up at all hours so she doesnt suspect a thing. Solice chased his glass with some brown we procured earlier from another old friend he’s still kept in touch with, Mooch. But im saving mine for tommorow.
Like i said im living for the present now. And from now on i will try to keep my writing current as well. I see big things in store for tommorow.
We shall see,
Luke Havergal

library bebop

January 2, 2010
Havnt had internet so havnt been able to post. Im writing this from the public library in fact. theres some whacko spouting off random song lyrics and snapping in what seems like an involuntary manner.  Most likely these library visits will become a regular thing. At least for now. This way i can keep this thing updated. Instead of outdated. Lolz.
Well the last time we spoke i caught you up with that whole linda thing. Which by this time seems like forever ago. the entire episode was a complete nightmare and im glad its over and done with. If i learned anything from the situation, it would be to be more careful with who i allow myself to get involved with. To stop thinking with my hard on so much and to quit doing things i know im going to regret later (i.e. Getting my ass stuffed with my own cum, taking blowjobs from hysterical crying bitches).
Now that that is over and done with i can catch you up with some other news. For one thing i had a pretty good christmas with my chick. She got me pete and pete and rockos modern life on dvd. In addition to that i also got inglorious basterds, ricky gervais’ stand-up and the british office from other family members. Not bad not bad i must say. The whole christmas new years thing was way hectic, but i got through it okay i suppose. I was really glad to have my family and friends around me and all in all had a great time. Nothing like a brush with psychosis to make you appreciate the spirit of the holiday season.  funny that as i mention that the whacko on my right is increasing his volume, practically shouting now. the librarian is coming over to silence him no doubt.
As for new years resolutions? I never really write anything in stone, as i dont think setting up a turning point at the new year mark will have any better a chance of being fulfilled then any other day i would pick. so i just keep a general list of things i want to accomplish and aspects of myself i would like to see changed in the back of my mind at all times. for one thing im trying to keep up with this blog. Im also trying to get out more and stay as active as possible. Im challenging myself to be more creative but to not equivocate success with productivity. Rather my success should be defined by my effect on other people. Its not enough to just chunk things out there, but rather the creations i hurl out to the world should be aimed at reaching others like myself. and hopefully i can impact someone this year in a somewhat meaningful way. that if anything would be my resolve.
Theres plenty more to come i promise. Please keep reading. Comment. And give me some feedback if your out there listening.
the whacko is now being detained by library security, but not without a noisy protest. his thurmos full of mush is spilled all over the marble floors. he’s screaming the lyrics to some song he’s made up.  it’s not bad…

-Luke Havergal